An interruption that feels harmless and normal to one person may feel dismissive or potentially hurtful to another. The subjective reaction to an interruption makes it something to be aware of if you want to have a work culture that promotes connection and collaboration.

What Is a Connection Killer?

In seeking to develop and sustain a Connection Culture, you can approach it from different angles. What can you introduce that will unite the team, reinforce that each individual is valued, or ensure that each person has a voice? What should be eliminated because it is disconnecting? There are also areas that may not be obvious to you but should be assessed to see whether or not they are undermining your connection efforts. Sometimes, we have blind spots that make it difficult to identify habits in ourselves or others that are actually “connection killers.”

“Connection killers” can be attitudes, language being used, or behaviors that effectively  put a wedge between people. Some shake the confidence of employees, some convey an “us versus them” or an “I am smarter than you are” mentality, and some have the effect of communicating that an employee is only needed to do what he or she is told to do. They separate people rather than drawing them together. Previously, we wrote about “7 Connection Killers to Avoid.” While you may not be in a role that allows you to tackle each head on, it’s good to be aware of the damage they may be doing.

Now, I’d like to add another one to the list: interruptions. For the purposes of this article, I am specifically thinking about being interrupted while speaking, but being casually and consistently interrupted by a colleague while you are clearly trying to get something done at your desk is also a problem.

Are Interruptions Truly a Connection Killer? The Answer Can Depend on Several Factors

How do you feel about being interrupted?

If you were to ask me that question, my first answer would be that I don’t like it. From my earliest school days, I have been a hand raiser. Compelled to interject when someone else is speaking in a meeting, almost every time, I will raise my hand to indicate I have something to add or ask. Since I don’t appreciate someone cutting in when I am speaking, I will do my best not to do that to someone else.

On further reflection, though, I recognize that my reaction to being interrupted depends on the situation. In an emergency, for instance, being interrupted may be necessary, understandable, and even welcomed. If the situation truly calls for it, interrupt away and I will take it in stride and may even thank you. So, my second answer is that my reaction varies, based on a combination of factors: who interrupted me, the existing relationship I may have with that person, what the content was, how it was done, and my perception of why the person interrupted.

When it comes to your personal level of tolerance for being interrupted, I think how you were raised is a factor. You probably have a high tolerance for interruptions if they were a routine occurrence in your family. Chances are you acquired the behavior being modeled by those around you. Even if you didn’t particularly like it, you may have learned not to let it bother you. However, if interruptions were viewed as impolite in your family, then you may react more negatively when it happens to you.

Your personal tolerance can also be shaped by your work environment. One person who hailed from the Midwest told me that when he worked in fast-paced New York City, if there was a pause in a sentence, someone else would jump in to fill the silence. Were they trying to step on someone’s toes? No, they were just seizing the moment. He adapted to it and the habit crept in occasionally in other settings before a “low tolerance for interruptions” family member brought it to his attention.

Regardless of your tolerance level, often what’s behind the interrupting impacts how it is received. Consider this scenario: A project team is meeting with the boss to present the team’s findings. The appointed leader is making her way through the presentation when a colleague’s voice breaks in, interrupting her mid-sentence and disrupting the flow as she carefully lays out the rationale behind the recommendation being proposed.

• Maybe the colleague is inserting himself to give a preemptive disclaimer to the boss that not everyone working on the project agrees with the recommendation. In this instance, his interruption is motivated by a defensive, self-protective position.
• Maybe he is contradicting a statement the leader made. Again, this might be a defensive, self-protective position, or—if he was correcting a piece of data spoken in error—it might be coming from a place of the shared good of the group.

Ultimately, the speaker’s inner reaction is likely to be influenced by a combination of factors, including her rapport with that colleague, what he said and how he said it, and her perception of why he chose to speak out at that moment.

Why Interrupting Is Generally a Bad Idea in the Workplace

If individual reactions to interruptions vary, and reactions can be further influenced by the perceived motivation behind the interruption, the subjective nature may tempt you to say that addressing interruptions is not necessary.

To me, it is ultimately about the kind of environment that will bring out the best in individuals and what people need to feel connected in the workplace.

Consider this: respect, recognition, and belonging are three of the ten universal human needs to thrive at work. If they are not genuinely felt by individuals, if they are missing or inconsistent in the team’s culture, then you will have connection issues that result in disengagement, poorer alignment, less innovation, and lower productivity.

While being interrupted might be “no big deal” to you and you feel others are overly sensitive about this, think about it from a low tolerance person’s perspective. In the moment, and especially if it occurs in a group setting, the interruption might sting and  feel like you are being dismissed, shut-down, or disrespected. Going further, a pattern of being interrupted may lead to feeling that your contribution is not appreciated and you are not fully part of the group. If you are the interrupter, you may not realize that your action is conveying those messages.

Learning not to interrupt and holding your team accountable for not interrupting creates an environment where everyone feels the respect, recognition, and belonging that they need to thrive. That in turn sets your team up for better performance and reaching team goals.

Putting It into Practice: Banishing Your Own Habit of Interrupting and Addressing It in Your Team

Here are a few reflection questions to help you put this to practice:

• Think about your team: Do you have an occasional or chronic interrupter in your midst? (Be honest, is it you?) Is the person aware of that tendency? What is the tolerance for being interrupted among individual members of the team? How do the interpersonal and group dynamics change when an interruption takes place in a meeting?
• If you are a chronic interrupter, what is behind that? Do you like to be seen as smart and right? Do you like to be the dominant person in the group? Is it for attention? Even if you are not speaking aloud to interrupt, are you rolling your eyes or making faces that send negative messages?
• If you are interrupted often, what is behind that? It may simply be you are dealing with a chronic interrupter. On the other hand, is there something you might need to adjust? For example, do you tend to go on too long (in the opinion of others, of course) and add more details and tangents than are needed at the time? If you are working with colleagues who strongly prefer hearing the “executive summary” first and supporting evidence second, you may want to reconsider the flow of how you present material. Think back to the last few episodes for clues. Were you reminded of the time or encouraged to get to the point?

If you are a leader in the group, or have a mentoring relationship with one of the parties involved in a pattern of chronic interruptions, think about ways to address the issue.

• Have a private conversation with the interrupter to talk about how the behavior is disconnecting and impacting the team. It may truly be a blind spot and the person will be grateful to become aware of it.
• Have a conversation with the person who is chronically interrupted if there is something constructive he or she can do that will minimize the times someone cuts in.
• In a meeting, lay out the ground rules upfront to the entire group (hold your questions until the end, raise your hand if you have a comment, each speaker will have X minutes to present, etc.).

The Bottom Line

Chronic interruptions can make it difficult for everyone to feel connected and respected in the workplace. By paying attention to your own interruption habits and those of your team, you can create a workplace culture that feels welcoming for all and lays the foundation for successful teamwork.

About the Author

Katharine P. Stallard is a partner of Connection Culture Group and a contributing author to Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work.

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash